Should you’ve been on social media recently, you’ve most likely seen #attachmentstyle making the rounds. The hashtag has been considered greater than a billion instances on TikTok.
So what’s attachment type?
Relationship attachment type refers to how individuals behave in relationships, from expressing intimacy to dealing with battle. The time period turned widespread in 1969 when psychologist Mary Ainsworth developed the Unusual State of affairs Process (surprisingly not trending on TikTok) to measure attachment between caregiver and baby.
Ainsworth’s attachment principle says the emotional bonds we type with our caregivers (normally mother and father) as infants play a giant function in how we behave in relationships as adults. For instance, should you had a caretaker who wasn’t attentive to your wants or dependable, you’re extra prone to have difficulties in grownup relationships.
Therapist Lori Gordon-Michaeli, LCSW, mentioned studying your attachment type may help you higher perceive the best way you tick and the way you reply to your associate. “It helps us be taught what our wants are and the way we may help our associate meet these wants. It additionally helps us to know our associate and their strategy to the connection.”
Learn: What Are the 5 Love Languages? >>
Gordon mentioned attachment type is pushed by the unconscious self moderately than the aware self. “If we all know our attachment type, we are able to navigate a wholesome model of interactions. As a substitute of reacting, we be taught to reply within the relationship. A whole lot of instances relationships don’t work due to our attachment types and a lack of expertise in responses.”
The 4 attachment types are:
- Safe
- Anxious
- Avoidant
- Disorganized
The three insecure types — you guessed them — have detrimental impacts on relationships. However you’ll be able to take steps to acknowledge insecure attachment types and make modifications to assist type wholesome relationships.
We requested Gordon in regards to the fundamentals behind the 4 attachment types and what to know should you or your associate has an insecure attachment type.
1. Safe attachment type
Individuals who have a safe attachment type are normally assured within the bond they’ve with their companions. So, they normally do properly in relationships.
They’re comfy sharing emotions and are good at speaking. They don’t normally learn into issues and are high-quality with intimacy and vulnerability whereas, on the identical time, nonetheless really feel safe in who they’re. Principally, the kind of associate all of us need.
Should you or your associate has a safe attachment type: Individuals with safe attachment types will normally gravitate to one another. Nevertheless, if they’re in a relationship with somebody who has an insecure attachment type, they’re prone to be keen to satisfy their associate the place they’re and/or assist work via issues.
2. Anxious attachment type
Individuals with an anxious attachment type usually had one thing occur of their infancy or younger childhood improvement that led to emotions of abandonment. So, as adults, they wish to really feel shut and intimate with their associate so that they really feel reassured and secure.
Nevertheless, the necessity for fixed reassurance and relationship validation might be troublesome in a relationship. Individuals with anxious attachment could sabotage the connection in attention-seeking methods to get validation. Feeling insecure, jealous and needy are additionally indicators of anxious attachment type.
Should you or your associate has an anxious attachment type: It might be helpful to work on coping abilities utilizing discuss remedy, corresponding to dialectical habits remedy (DBT) for self soothing and cognitive behavioral remedy (CBT). EMDR, which stands for eye motion desensitization and reprocessing, can also assist to maneuver previous emotions of abandonment.
Learn: What Is EMDR and How Can It Assist Trauma Survivors? >>
3. Avoidant attachment type
Individuals with avoidant attachment are inclined to withdraw throughout intimacy and draw back from closeness general. It’s because the concept of being susceptible feels threatening to them. Individuals with avoidant attachment have problem trusting different individuals and make investments little in relationships.
Should you or your associate has an avoidant attachment type: Remedy may help individuals with avoidant attachment type be taught to belief and share ideas and emotions. Notice: Avoidant and anxious attachment types can turn into very poisonous when collectively, so each events ought to contemplate remedy.
4. Disorganized attachment type
Individuals with disorganized attachment types have a mix of anxious attachment with avoidant traits. Normally individuals with this attachment type have been via trauma and/or abuse and have a really laborious time trusting anybody.
Disorganized attachment could result in unpredictable habits and hassle regulating feelings. Indicators of disorganized attachment embody contradictory behaviors, like being cold and hot, and a worry of rejection.
Should you or your associate has a disorganized attachment type: Therapies that embody trauma assist could assist individuals with disorganized attachment. EMDR and trauma-focused CBT are two examples that will additionally assist individuals course of and transfer ahead towards more healthy relationships.
The excellent news is that folks with any of those attachment types are able to joyful relationships. “Remedy could be very useful in all regards to realize data about ourselves in methods we by no means actually considered,” Gordon mentioned. “If you’re having issues in your relationships it is perhaps a good suggestion to begin with self reflection so as to be the very best model of your self. That normally modifications how we work together with others, which in flip, shifts the relationships into extra nice waters.”
