I purchased a T-shirt that claims, “Aunty’s Worst Nightmare.” It’s an correct description of me within the eyes of many conventional Sri Lankan aunties. I’ll by no means be an “applicable” Sri Lankan American Buddhist. I’m single and childfree by alternative, I’m loud, I curse, I take up area (metaphorically, bodily, and conversationally), and I’m fats. Worst of all, I’m completely content material with it!
As a thirty-seven-year-old lady, I’m in an odd transitional section on the subject of the Sri Lankan American group. For individuals of their twenties and thirties, I’m “akki,” or “older sister.” For individuals of their forties, I’m “nangi,” or “youthful sister.” However for anybody youthful than that, I’ve change into Schrodinger’s aunty, concurrently aunty and not aunty.
Just a few years in the past, whereas speaking to a nine-year-old at my temple, I requested who her dad and mom have been. She then pulled her mom’s sleeve, pointed at me, and mentioned, “That aunty desires to speak to you!”
Instantly, her mom’s face turned bitter, and she or he chastised the kid: “That’s not an aunty, that’s Mihiri Akki!” I burst out laughing. After I found the mother was solely 5 years older than me, I advised the child, “It completely is smart so that you can name me ‘aunty.’ No worries!” The mother appeared aghast. As an grownup immigrant born in Sri Lanka, she couldn’t conceive of somebody with my Valley Woman accent being “aunty.”
As I get older, my relationship with each youthful generations and my temple is altering. This uncertainty in being Schrodinger’s aunty displays the uncertainties for Asian American Buddhist establishments dealing with generational shifts.
In my position at Lion’s Roar, I’ve met with completely different Asian American Buddhist communities. One subject that just about all the time comes up is the query of generational continuity: How will we preserve sangha members born and/or raised within the U.S. concerned as they get older?
My temple, Dharma Vijaya Buddhist Vihara in Los Angeles, California, has efficiently stored a number of generations of Sri Lankan American Buddhists engaged with our group. Whereas younger adults now not attend Sunday college weekly, they keep concerned financially by being month-to-month donors, attending spiritual occasions and festivals, and taking management roles. For instance, the 2022 Kathina celebrations have been fully organized and funded by former Dharma Vijaya Sunday college college students, now of their twenties, thirties, and forties.
What does this imply for Buddhism, the place lineage is so important, that Asian American Gen X, millennial, and Gen Z people born and/or raised within the U.S. at the moment are aunties? How are we passing on our cultural and non secular traditions in distinctive methods? What does it imply to be an Asian American Buddhist aunty shaping future generations? Effectively, I’m the aunty now. I get to determine what it means.
For me, auntyhood is an method to your relationship with others: organic and nonbiological household, communities, and youthful generations. Principally, auntyhood is one thing that you simply do, so anybody, no matter gender, could be an aunty. Doing auntyhood—or “auntying”—means accepting, transferring ahead, and appearing with the data that you’re now, on this second, an ancestor. Which begs the query, what sort of ancestor do you wish to be? What recollections and legacies do you wish to depart behind?
Listed below are 4 suggestions for doing Buddhist auntyhood.
Tackle the Sensible Wants of Your Neighborhood
On the partitions at Dharma Vijaya are two typed lists of donors: one for individuals who repeatedly make lunch for the monks, and the opposite for individuals who make month-to-month monetary contributions to the temple. The names on the meals donation checklist are all first-generation immigrants, whereas the month-to-month monetary donors are a mixture of first- and second-generation immigrants. In different phrases, those that have been born or grew up within the U.S. aren’t making meals for the monks, however they’re nonetheless supporting the establishment.
Being concerned can merely imply serving to your temple preserve the lights on by contributing to month-to-month payments. A Buddhist aunty donates what they will both regularly, or solely on competition days or holidays. Different methods Buddhist aunties can tangibly assist their temple is by shopping for and donating sensible issues in bulk, comparable to drinks and disposable dinnerware.
Use Your Skills and Experience to Enhance Your Neighborhood
Along with financially supporting my temple, I give my time and vitality to my group. I exploit my educating expertise and Buddhist data to steer classes a couple of occasions a 12 months for Sunday college, and I exploit my expertise in increased training to assist Sunday college teenagers with school functions free of charge.
All of us have our strengths, so use the belongings you’re good at to become involved. For those who’re computer-savvy, assist with graphic design or organising web sites and social media accounts in your temple. For those who’re a health care provider, lead a workshop on coronary heart illness, diabetes, or a particular sickness that disproportionately impacts your group. For those who’re expert at a sport, begin a staff for the youngsters in your temple. For those who’re a terrific author, musician, or artist, train a few of what you’ve realized to younger individuals.
In volunteering your experience, you may contribute to the temple group, make a distinction, and change into a mentor and position mannequin for youthful generations.
Perhaps you don’t suppose you’ve gotten any related skills (which I don’t suppose is true!). In that case, volunteer your time by serving to to arrange earlier than competition days. Or simply choose up the telephone and ask the temple what you are able to do to assist!
Develop a Relationship with Clergy
Growing a working relationship with monastics lets you each perceive your group’s dynamics higher and have a say in how your group operates. In doing so, you’re constructing one thing in your group now and for future generations.
You possibly can information monks on their method to youthful generations. When you have children, provide recommendation from your personal experiences as a mother or father. Since I’m childfree, I provide my understanding of being born and raised in the USA. You possibly can encourage the clergy to make variations to ceremonies and traditions in order that Buddhist practices are relevant and related to our lives within the U.S.
I am keen on the abbot of my temple, Bhante Walpola Piyananda. He offers younger individuals management roles within the temple, purposefully abandons inflexible requirements, and has intentionally horizontalized/equalized the connection between laity and monastics. We’ve had many conversations about temple dynamics and youthful generations.
Don’t be afraid to disagree with monks! Auntyhood brings with it a sure degree of energy, so that is the time to flex it! Whereas I respect monks, I’m not overly deferential. I converse plainly and—if mandatory—bluntly, particularly when monks have unrealistic expectations for youths rising up within the U.S.
I notice this may occasionally not work for everybody. I’ve seen in different Asian Buddhist traditions that entry to monastics could be restricted, particularly when you’re a girl. In my expertise, Sri Lankan Buddhist monks at California temples recognize that I wish to be concerned and are prepared to hearken to my concepts, even when we disagree.
Rethink and Remake Buddhist Traditions
Being concerned in your group means rethinking cultural and non secular values and remaking them to work throughout the American context.
Once I go to different Sri Lankan Theravada areas within the U.S., I’m shocked at how fiercely hierarchies, sure traditions, and strict requirements of habits are enforced by immigrant aunties and uncles. They method their children’ relationship with the temple as in the event that they have been Sri Lankan children attending a temple in Sri Lanka. Consequently, these children see their temple as a inflexible, restrictive place the place they’re scolded for breaking guidelines they don’t perceive. When these children change into adults, they cease coming to the temple.
A part of my work as a Buddhist aunty is stating to those dad and mom that their children are Sri Lankan American, and their temple is in America. Doing issues comparable to requiring children to memorize Pali chants with out educating their which means is nonsensical for youths rising up within the U.S. In distinction, incorporating English translations of Pali chants into our temple practices permits younger individuals to know and recognize their traditions.
Although I’ve totally leaned into my Buddhist auntyhood, I don’t have the solutions to the issue of generational continuity that Asian American Buddhist establishments are dealing with. However I’ve observed that when temples encourage youthful generations to really feel a way of possession over their temple, they’re extra prepared to take part and contribute as adults.
Finally, being a Buddhist aunty is about feeling snug and proudly owning your belonging in your group. The Buddhism my associates and I grew up practising is completely different from the Buddhism in Sri Lanka. Regardless, we name it “our heritage.” A part of being in diaspora is attending to determine for ourselves what “heritage” and “custom” imply.These of us who grew up within the U.S. overlook that our temples actually are our areas. We’ve been a part of these establishments for years and many years longer than current immigrants. So, take possession of your house in your group! Embrace the ability of being a Buddhist aunty, go forth, and make a distinction!
This text is from the March 2024 subject of Lion’s Roar journal.
